Family Matters
by Sunnykisses
Summary: A series of one shots involving General Hospital, sports and laughs. Special thanks to my beta ARandomYouth!
1. Yankee Stadium

**A/n: I love General Hospital, but sometimes the characters are just ridiculous. This first chapter takes place right after Sonny shot Dante, and Dante has just been released from the hospital. Mostly banter, but hopefully it cheers someone up :) **

**For the baseball fans out there, like me, I'll be using stats and players from the 2011 season even though this takes place the year Dante was shot, which I think was last season (2010).**

**Revised: March 7, 2012**

* * *

><p>Dante Falconeri arrived at Yankee Stadium. He stepped out of the limo, breathing in the air of the Bronx that had carried him throughout his childhood.<p>

His _fatherless _childhood.

Out stepped Sonny Corinthos, his eager son Morgan at his heels.

"Isn't this great, Dante? You, me and dad, family bonding." Morgan looked up at his new big brother, who looked pained. Max and Milo were the last to get out, telling the driver where to park. Dante pondered jumping back in the limo but it had sped off before he had a chance to pounce.

"It's just the three of us, now." Morgan beamed.

"Five of us, sir." Max corrected before clearing his throat and looking down sheepishly.

"No, no, Max, why don't you sit there." Dante suggested as the guards came back with hot dogs and beers. Shrugging, Max sat next to Milo as Sonny frowned. Max was in between him and Morgan, and Milo was in between Morgan and Dante. Dante seemed rows away.

"Drink, boss?" Max handed Sonny a beer.

"Yeah." Sonny took a sip and waited for Dante to accept his beer.

"What? Oh, no thanks, Milo, I'm don't drink in front of kids." He shot his father a look.

"That's admirable." Sonny grumbled.

"Well, just trying to set a good example. You do know what that is, don't you, Sonny?" Dante smiled kindly. Morgan sank lower in his seat.

"So, Dante, who's your favorite player?" Morgan piped up to change the subject.

"Gotta be…" Dante frowned. "Robinson Cano."

"Yeah, that was really cool when his dad pitched to him in the Home Run Derby this year." Morgan agreed.

"Sure was. His dad is such a nice guy. You never have to worry about him shooting his son in the chest."

Sonny threw his hands in the air.

"Who's your favorite player, dad?"

"A-Rod." Sonny answered, taking another swig of beer.

"Really?" Morgan frowned. "That's Michael's favorite, too."

"Well, it's probably because of the steroids. That's right up Sonny's alley." Dante leaned over Milo to explain to Morgan, who nodded like it all made sense to him.

"That's not it." Sonny grumbled.

"Does he have a police record?" Dante shot back. "I'm not judging, just observing. Maybe he shot someone in the chest."

The next half inning was in silence. CC Sabathia was pitching well for the first start of the season. Dante tried not to look at Sonny while Sonny tried to talk to Dante. Morgan, Max and Milo were just in the middle.

"Dad, what does CC stand for?" Morgan asked.

"Could get shot in the chest." Dante answered quickly.

"It stands for Carsten _Charles!"_ Snapped Sonny. He ran a hand through his slicked hair and sighed.

"You know what, Milo; I think I will have one of those beers." Dante stretched out his arms.

"Sure thing, boss." Milo handed him the drink.

"Boss?" Sonny was furious. _"I'm_ the boss!"

"Relax, boss, it was just a joke." Max defended his brother. Sonny shut his eyes closed, shaking his head.

"I thought you weren't drinking in front of Morgan?" Sonny asked next.

"I just got shot, my head isn't working straight."

"Your head isn't on straight."

"Well, it's probably genetic."

Morgan felt his head to see if it was straight put on his hat.

"Yeah!" Dante jumped out of his seat as Derek Jeter hit a single down the left field line, scoring Brett Gardener. His phone slipped out in his haste. Morgan leaned over Milo to pick it up. It was vibrating.

_Lulu: I've got a surprise for you when you get back :)_

"What's that?" Sonny looked over at the phone that Morgan had. Dante was talking to some guy next to him and didn't see.

"Lulu has a surprise for you?" Morgan read out loud.

"Lulu?" Dante turned around, a hopeful look on his face. "Oh. What, did she text me?"

"Yeah, she says she has a surprise for you when you get back." Morgan read.

"Smiley face." Max added. Sonny raised his eyebrows at his phone.

"I hope you're using protection, son. You don't want any surprise pregnancies."

"Did you think of that before or _after _you knocked up my mom?" Dante sat down, grabbing his phone.

"Do you have any games on here?" Morgan asked. Dante shrugged, handing the device back to Morgan, who beamed.

"I didn't know Olivia was pregnant with you-"

"So then you shot me, right? Isn't that such a cliché?"

"I didn't know you were my son."

"Yeah, you don't know a lot of things, do you, Sonny? I'm kind of getting that vibe."

"Yeah, me too." Milo put in. Sonny glared at him. "Uh, Dante, want to get more beers?" Milo and Dante left.

"Boss, I think that maybe you're being too hard on Dante." Max said.

"He started it!" Sonny pouted. Dante's phone vibrated again.

_Ma: All right, I'm worried about you. If you don't answer soon I'll have to come down there and see if Sonny shot you again. _

"Let me see that." Sonny grabbed the phone from Morgan.

* * *

><p>Some time later, Dante and Milo returned. Milo passed a beer down to Sonny, who gratefully accepted it. "Where's my phone?" He asked Morgan, who shrunk back.<p>

"Uh…"

"What are you doing with my phone?" Dante reached past Milo and Morgan to try to grab his phone.

"One second." Sonny held up a finger.

"What are you doing?" Dante repeated. "Are you—are you _sexting_ my mother?" Dante snatched his phone away and tried to delete the message, but it was already sent.

"That is so wrong, Sonny! She has a boyfriend!"

_Ma: That is not funny Dante Angelo Falconeri. _

_Dante: I'm sorry, Ma…that was Sonny. _

_Ma: _

"Yeah, but it's _Johnny."_ Sonny's nose screwed up in disgust.

"Well I'm not happy about it either." Dante sighed.

"Hallelujah, they're agreeing." Max said. Morgan giggled.

"Do you see the way he touches her?" Sonny asks. "I mean, he's _your_ age."

"That's what I keep telling her!" Dante agreed enthusiastically. "She could be his mother!"

Sonny's phone vibrated. He pulled it out of his suit jacket.

_Johnny: Stop talking about me you son of a bitch. _

Corinthos looked at the row next to him. There was Johnny Zacchara himself with his date, Olivia Falconeri.

"Ma!" Dante shot up, following Sonny's gaze.

"You son of a _bitch!"_ Sonny yelled at Johnny, who had his arm around Olivia.

"I should say the same to you!" Johnny stood up.

"Dante!" Olivia hissed. "You're making a scene."

The three men glared at each other until Dante finally gave in. "Sorry, Ma." He sighed, sinking down in his seat.

"Sorry, Olivia." Sonny and Johnny said in unison and sat down, too.

"Good." Olivia nodded and turned back to the game.

_Johnny: Bastard. _

Sonny locked eyes with Johnny. _I'll kill you_, he mouthed. Johnny fired a finger gun in Sonny's direction. Sonny's eyes grew wide, and he sat back against the seat to escape the whizzing imaginary bullet.

_Sonny: Missed me._

_Johnny: Now you gotta kiss me._

"That's disgusting." Morgan read over his father's shoulder.

"Yeah." Sonny agreed. Olivia and Dante were the only two paying attention to the game, now. Milo and Max were shooting their own imaginary guns back at Johnny's guards. Sonny and Johnny were angrily texting each other and Morgan was telling Sonny what to say.

_Ma: Let's go home, baby._

Dante looked at his mom and got up without a word to the others. The two Falcorneri's left in Olivia's car.

The Yankees beat the Twins 4-2, but it's not like that mattered to anyone.


	2. Madison Preparatory School

**No Beta this chapter. Ethan/Kristina as per request of SeviLuv. I'm going to have her still be in high school, so that it makes their relationship more ridiculous.**

* * *

><p>"Yes! That's my baby!" Alexis pumped her fist as Kristina spiked the volleyball for a point. Molly screamed very loudly in joy. Ethan groaned. He was the only one sitting down in the whole bloody gym of over-excited parents and students.<p>

What he wouldn't do for some whiskey right now. He had been forced to come to this stupid high school volleyball tournament; apparently it was for a trophy. Except the trophy was bigger than Kristina.

"Isn't this exciting? I didn't know my sister was talented!" Molly giggled, looking at Ethan expectantly.

"What? Oh, yep." he nodded, before scooting further away from the ball of energy.

"Molly, come now. You're sister is not _just_ talented, she's _gifted." _Alexis explained. "She gets it from her mother."

"How are we alike, mom?" Molly asked. Alexis pretended to ignore her.

"I do not understand the concept of volleyball." Ethan finally admitted.

"Silly Ethan!" Molly sat down next to him. "All you do is hit the ball over the net!"

"I'm sure there's more to it than that."

"Well, who cares? Kristina's in spandex, doesn't that just make you all bubbly inside?"

"I am bored with this conversation."

"Oh, all right, party pooper." Molly sighed and reached into her bag. "Here, you can read my book." Ethan looked down at a very old copy of _The Mill on the Floss_ by G. Eliot.

"I'll pass, thanks."

"How about this?" Molly pulled out a dog-eared _Highlights_ magazine.

"You read _Highlights_? That's a bit of a difference from classical fiction."

"No, this is Kristina's!" Molly exploded into a fit of laughter. "I don't read _Highlights_!"

"Oh, right." Ethan cleared his throat. "Er, thanks." He flipped to a random page. It was full of jokes sent in by kids just like Kristina. Except younger. _Way_ younger. In fact, Kristina was eighteen so legally she was an adult.

"Kristina likes to read them because she says they're 'jam-packed with creative and engaging fun.'" Molly explained.

"What do cows play at birthday parties?" Ethan read. "Moo-sical chairs?"

Molly fell down she was laughing so hard. "Stop it! Stop it, Ethan, stop being so funny! I'm trying to watch the game!" She clutched her sides. "Wow, who knew that magazine was so much fun?"

"Yeah, baby, go!" Alexis roared.

"What happened, mommy?" Molly stood on the bleachers to see.

"Nothing, yet, Kristina just got a drink of water." Alexis pointed to wear Kristina was giving her a dirty look. Alexis and Molly both waved at her.

Ethan pulled out The Mill on the Floss and flipped to a page. "If a man means to be hard, let him keep in his saddle and speak from that height, above the level of pleading eyes, and with the command of a distant horizon." He read.

"Oh, that is very true." Molly was suddenly right next to him, nodding sympathetically. "That is very true. That's so sad. So true. So honest. Wow."

"I think you read too much." Ethan put the book down.

"Oh, no, Ethan, reading is good for the soul!" Molly protested. "It's stimulating, calming, and…and jam-packed with creative and engaging fun!"

Ethan was beginning to look a little sick.

"Oh, no." Alexis's voice suddenly became serious. "Molly, grab your coat. We're leaving."

* * *

><p>Turns out Sonny Corinthos was a fan of volleyball. Ethan stood outside of the girl's locker room—where Molly told him to find Kristina—and tried to act as nonchalant as possible.<p>

Sonny had walked into the gym with his guards at his heels and gun clearly visible. He blew a kiss to his daughter, and then, when she wasn't looking, had slipped some money to the score monitor.

"Sonny, you look like a pimp." Alexis had snapped. Sonny looked down at the cane he was using.

"I just got shot by an old enemy." Sonny had shrugged. "But, I knew that Kristina had a game and that she would be devastated if I didn't come. So, instead of going to the hospital and getting the proper care I needed, I came here, because I love my kids. I'd do anything for my kids."

"Can you even stand?" Ethan looked at him skeptically.

"I suggest you keep your mouth shut before I make it shut, you stupid kid."

So, now, Ethan was standing outside of the girl's locker room, waiting for Kristina because Alexis was making her leave early.

"Erm, Kristina?" He knocked on the door awkwardly. "I don't really feel comfortable being here."

"Here I am." Kristina stood facing him, still in her spandex and tank from Volleyball, except this time she was wearing stilettos.

"Can you play in those?" Ethan asked. Kristina began to strut towards him. Ethan backed up until he was pressed against the door.

"I don't really-"

"Did you watch me play?" She asked, her voice oddly husky. "Did I look like a woman?"

"Why are you wearing those shoes?" Ethan changed the subject.

"Do they make me look older?" She batted her eyelashes.

"Actually-"

"Kiss me."

"Kristina, I'm just trying to take you to your mum!" Ethan threw up his hands. "C'mon, let's just go."

"Wow. That's really funny. You trying to hide your feelings for me." Kristina moved closer. "You don't have to hide anything anymore, Ethan."

"Erm, when do kangaroos celebrate their birthdays?"

"What?"

"Yeah, when do kangaroos celebrate their birthdays?"

"Ethan, that's a stupid question."

"During a leap year."

"Ha!" Molly fell down from where she was hiding behind some gym equipment, giggling like crazy. "Oh, Ethan! I read that in the magazine, too! It's even funnier when you say it, though!"

"You were looking through my stuff?" Kristina looked flustered.

"Well, I was pretty bore—er, incredibly interested in the game and-"

"It's okay, Ethan, you don't have to lie to me." Kristina tried to reach up and touch his cheek, but she wasn't tall enough so instead she just patted his chest.

"Come, our chariot awaits."

* * *

><p>"Tell us another joke, Ethan! Oh, <em>please<em> do!" Molly begged, tugging on his arm as they walked through the parking lot. Ethan pried the child off of him, although getting Kristina off proved much more difficult.

"I don't know any jokes. I just want to get to my car." Ethan grumbled.

"_I_ know a joke." Kristina put in. "Do you want to hear it, Ethan? Huh? Do you?"

"Sure."

"But, do you _really?_ Do you _really_ want to? Is it something you _want?"_

"I said yes, Kristina."

"What is yellow, has wheels, and lies on its back?"

The three were silent. Molly was hunched over in concentration, and Kristina was staring at Ethan expectantly. It took him a while to realize she was waiting for him to answer.

"A school bus."

"But it's on its back."

"A school bus after a horrible accident."

"That's sad." Molly looked glum. "That's oh so _sad."_

"Girls!" Alexis called from further away. "Time to go!"

"Hey, Lovett! Why don't you get your slimy hands off of my daughters before I _cut_ them off?" Sonny yelled from his car, which was coincidentally right next to where Ethan and the girls were standing.

"But, Uncle Sonny, I'm not your daughter." Molly laughed. "I'm not your daughter, right?"


End file.
